A Pop Quiz About Noah: Answers in Genesis 6?

          There is a big, new, and dare I say controversial Hollywood movie in wide release called "Noah." Regarding its source, the biblical story of Noah can be found in the Hebrew Scriptures -- in the Book of Genesis, Chapters 6-10.

          This film leads to some questions with sketchy answers. Such as:

          Noah was HOW OLD when he croaked? 

          He was 950 years old.  Things were different back in those days, I guess.

          Did Noah's wife have a name? 

          Yes, Jennifer Connelly. Oh wait, that's not it. Actually, the Book of Genesis never says. So, you can call her Anonymous, or Jennifer Connelly, or just plain old Ms. Noah.

          Noah got toasted after the Great Deluge. Where did the barrel of wine that made him so drunk come from?

          Apparently, all of the Piggly Wiggly stores, Winn-Dixie's, and 7/11 convenience shops had been washed away by God's rainy retribution. So Noah got busy cultivating newly-dried off earth to plant a vineyard. Once he harvested and
vinted his homebrew, Noah enjoyed way too much of his product. The rumor that he then sold his operation to the Gallo Brothers is not biblical truth, but may have actually happened.

          Exactly how many words does Noah actually utter in the Bible before, during. and after the flood?

          Zero.  In Genesis, Noah actually does not utter a word.

          How many Nephilim can you stuff into one Ark (picture a bunch of large clowns in a VW bus)?               

          No matter how they come on to you, do not let any of those giant guys in.

          Why did YHWH decide to kill off everything and everyone except the Noah clan and some stoned cold animals?

               T.B.D. -- But had something to do with human beings, like spoiled childrens, just could not or would not behave themselves.  (see below)

 

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Post Pop-Quiz Notes

          Apparently, one little section of Genesis -- Chapter 6: 1-4 -- holds some kind of truth about the meaning of the 'Noah and the Flood Apocalypse' myth. To wit:

          1 When human beings began to grow more numerous on earth, daughters were born to them. 2 Fallen angels, alien to humankind, 'sons of God' they were called, saw how beautiful the daughters of human beings were and took for their wives whomever they pleased. 3 The Lord of Creation became angry and said in an aggieved way: 'My spirit shall not dwell in human beings forever because they are weak flesh of whom many have become wicked and lawless. Their lives shall now last only one hundred and twenty years.' 4 The Nephilim (?), like giant angels, walked on earth in those days once the fallen sons of God had had intercourse with the daughters of human beings, who bore them sons. These Nephilim were seen by many as heroes of renown . . .

         

          Now those cryptic verses and all that 'fallen angel' and Nephilim stuff holds so much, there has to be a great untold story or two layered in there. Guess it's time for me to go to work on that.

 

 

 

 

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